Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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