My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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