I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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