i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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