You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
