i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
