I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
