Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
