i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
