when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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