I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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