Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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