got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
