8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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