Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she told me i tasted like america
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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