We need to start having sex underwater more often.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
