Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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