is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
