:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
