for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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