Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
