i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
