You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
