I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
