When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
