I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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