You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
