you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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