how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
