Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
