I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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