a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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