Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
