my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
