Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
