Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
