I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
