im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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