Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
