Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
