Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
