The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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