So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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