guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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