I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
