I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
