absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
