so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
