no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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