Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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