Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
