Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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