no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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