Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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