lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
