Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
