we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
