Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
