We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
