YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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