you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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