I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
