Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
