why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
3 2 1 whiskey
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
