I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
