i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
