winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
