Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
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he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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