Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
