Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
